Taiwan Day 54 – Taking Heed
2 John 8-9 — “Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for.. but that you may be rewarded fully.. Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God.. whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son..”
God’s timing has always proved to be the best in my life.. in so many instances when doubts would creep and ignite actions which would then lead to sin and death of the spirit, the Lord has given me clear signals that I do need to take all the more caution on my credibility and integrity with the body at NHTW.. which has based upon perspective been questioned, or even degenerated or lost.. I am well aware of three types of people that will bring these things to my attention:
The Doubters will always question while gossiping and talking behind backs.. though their behavior should not be tolerated, their perspective does shed light on the truth.. otherwise they wouldn’t have anything to talk about! The Well Wishers are die hard followers of the prosperity gospel and will always hope for the best for themselves and everyone else.. failing to look directly at the truth for what it really is.. Then finally there are the True Believers in Christ who all lay down their lives for their saints just as the shepherd does for his sheep.. and set aside their own agendas to ensure the prosperity of others.. not in accordance to the prosperity gospel.. but rather to that which directly is God’s word.. ALL of it!! This most importantly includes the assurance of inner transformation which I call spiritual surgery – a risky procedure that is all the more necessary which initially can cause excruciating pain.. but even better is the process of recovery to get back to the initial condition which was pre-intended. The testimony of recovery then translates into a witness of the Lord’s sufficiency and our insufficiency.. that His strength through love could be perfected through our weakness because His grace is enough.
Though I have come a long way with the gift of God’s love through my mentors, people that have always believed beyond what I could ever see within the potential of my being.. I still fail over and over again in my imperfect nature. What haunts me all the more is that the taste and smell of my own vomit which I too frequently return back to tastes all the more too familiar.. which inwardly promotes shame and disappointment. But if for example, Jesus – the greatest divine mentor, who somewhat mockingly calls Peter the “rock” despite the number of times He was denied.. even to the face of a teenage girl.. and still be used as we see great accounts of Peter’s ministry in Acts.. then I pray that the hope for my downfall could work in a similar way. What strikes me the most about Peter’s insufficiencies is that through his repeated sin, he finally comes to a point where he is hit by the truth where he weeps. At this particular point, something extravagant happens in Peter’s spirit.. where he was humbled to his feet with the revelation of his absolute insufficiency.. which took more than three times to finally arrive at this conclusion. I’m not too sure if I even have the number of fingers to count the times I have fallen to my lowest plank.. and I ask, when will I finally come to weep just like Peter did? I fear that my potential will be diminished to that of Samson who, yet still used by God, did not entirely fulfill his vow as a Nazarite.. My hope is that I would return to battlefield like King David after his fall with Bathsheba and rebuke from Nathan.. and even though my shortcomings, do everything in my heart, soul, mind, spirit, mind and strength not to sulk in shame but rather move forward through the redemption and victory in Jesus Christ.
I consider it ALL joy, Father God, that you would use moments such as these (and I pray that this will be my last round in this department).. that bring me back to my knees to remind me of my deficiencies and insufficiencies.. and also the love that You and my mentors have for me. I still cannot fathom Your love through their care and in what seems to be my unending weaknesses.. for I do the things I do not want to do.. but in the end it all the more excites me that You will not let go of the call that You have for my life as you continuously realign be back to your path of righteousness.. thank you for loving me even though Abba Father…